The last post of mine was about things I don’t think should be my job anymore, such as, putting the toilet paper on the roller and finding all items the kids lose on a daily basis. I would like to continue with that subject because there is something that has been bothering the hell out of me since the other day.
I am sure that every family splits their chores, however it makes their lives work best. In my house I do 90% of the cooking and 80% of the cleaning and most of the grocery shopping and all of the essentials/clothes shopping. The kids have 2 chores each but I have to tell them every day and nag the shit out of them until they do them but I will not give in and do it for them. I am also in charge of all the household finances and this, my friends, is where I am a little peeved.
Let’s start with my husband’s daily routine, ok? He wakes up for work at 7:30am and because at his work it doesn’t matter if he gets there a little late, he will take his time getting ready, feeds the cats, makes his coffee and mine (which yes, it is very sweet of him) I get to wake up to Folgers in my cup. This takes him an hour and he is now 30 minutes late for work and heaven forbid its garbage day he might not get there till 9am. He works his 8hrs and comes home and lays on the bed and watches his phone till he falls asleep. He will be woken up by me delivering his dinner to him in bed, then it’s back to the phone and off to sleep. Even though I handle all the finances, he has cards from all accounts and has access to every penny.
Now here is my daily routine after not being able to sleep more than 2-3 hours due to my anxiety and night terrors…I get woken up by his alarm at 730am (my alarm is set for 9:20am). I try to go back to sleep for a while which I am not usually successful at, so I wait till he leaves and then get up and make the kids breakfast and drink my first cup of coffee. I let the Dogs out and feed them. At 9:45 it is time to sign in to work, I get a break at 11am for 15 mins, in that 15 mins I am able to let dogs out again and field questions and requests from the kids. 2pm is my lunch, I go downstairs and make all of us lunch and then try to close my eyes for a half hour. I finish work at 7pm and then it is time to take a quick 45 min nap and then up to make but you can never just make dinner, can you? You need to do the dishes from breakfast and lunch and clean up the counters from whatever the children have left in their wake. After dinner it’s dishes again and then feed the dogs and cats and then shower and bed time. That is a day that doesn’t include going to the store or having to pay bills while I am having downtime at work. Financially, we have been really struggling. There are days that my husband and I have gone without eating so the kids can eat. We have never had to live like this but since my work injury we have been living less than paycheck to paycheck. I always tell my husband how much money is in the account and he has all the apps to check them himself.
Two days ago, my husband ran his truck out of gas. I asked him why did he let it get that low? His answer to me was that he didn’t know what he could spend! REALLY? He then proceeds to say that even though I tell him we are ok to get essentials he won’t spend the money just in case we need it for something in the next couple days. Now, please let me know if you think I am wrong here. He won’t put gas in his truck because he doesn’t know how much money he can spend and we might need money in a few days, well now he has to pay to get his truck tuned up because it is not starting right ever since it ran out of gas. We are always going to need money for something, right? So why not get what you need when we have the money so we don’t have to buy something even more expensive later.
I just don’t understand the way men think and I am sure they don’t understand our thought processes either. I think as women we have to look for the now and do what we have to do to get buy in the moment and men want to think of the future and all the what ifs in life. If we had the money to put away for the future that would be one thing but we are living day by day. He wants to blame this on me because he swears, he never knows what he can spend, but I have told him in this shitty time that unless I tell you we are broke then the money in the accounts can be spent and we always have credit card for small emergencies since it has a 300$ limit at this point. I am just a little pissed that now we have to put 100’s of dollars into the truck that could have been avoided.
I know this may sound like I’m just bitching a lot but why is it my job to tell him every day what he can spend knowing that even if I did, he wouldn’t spend it until he wanted too anyway. He is a grown adult, I can somewhat understand my kids needing me to tell them things every day, but why should I have to act like I have a 4th child and make sure he is putting gas in his truck? Why is this my job???
Please leave me a comment below if you have any words of wisdom or if you have the same problem, please share so I don’t feel so alone!
5 responses to “Let Me Continue…”
I don’t think you’re complaining at all. Just stating the facts. You were very pragmatic in your approach and perhaps he was somewhat idealistic. I can get that because as a man I often tend to think about distant futures and don’t live in the now. It’s cost me. I don’t know if all men are like that though. This post was humorous and heartfelt. Life can be difficult sometimes, and navigating relationships and family, hard. I like your posts – they are very real and down to earth.
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Thank you so much and it is nice hear a man’s prospective on things because you men are hard to understand sometimes! thank you
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Mama Games…like Nitin mentioned…you’re real. Down to earth. We like that.
That said, and knowing you’re my sole follower lol..and not knowing any further details…here’s my experience.
I’m recently divorced. After over a decade worth of devoting myself as a husband and father.
While I may have strengths…finances was never one of them. Ask my ex-wife.
I’m still working on it…and I’m pretty sure that this…lack of knowledge or whatever kept me from a promotion or two.
Now, I am trying to make that weakness and strength…if you smell what I’m cooking. As human beings, we often strive to be better than we are and hold expectations for ourselves and others higher than what may be reality.
As much as I want to believe we are who we are and what we experience is meant to be and meant to teach us….and as many episodes of the Flash or whatever that dealt with changing the timeline..I would so go back in time given the chance and work harder to be more responsible with my finances. I would work harder to connect with my wife, communicate more…right the wrongs and be a better man. A better person.
Yet, here we are. I don’t know how long you and your husband have been married…nor do I know any other details about you…except the fact that you write well. Very articulate.
That said…is there something you can do to communicate better with him or to educate him on managing his finances better? Or couples counseling.
I don’t know. I just know that you’re going through something. That needs to be addressed. Before it escalates. However it needs to be dealt with delicately. You know him better than anyone…what does your heart tell you to do?
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It’s good that you’re letting this out here, and perhaps work things out on your own before you confront anyone (if you have to). I admire you for being so honest on the blogosphere, and yeah, it sounds like you’re in a rough patch, but it also sounds like you’re doing a good job being a pillar for the family.
While I wish for the storm to pass, I also wish that you continue showing the strength you’ve been showing for so long. Am hoping that you shifting back to your town where you thrived will open up more possibilities to you. Keep on keeping on!
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Thank you for this! It really makes me feel good knowing i am not just posting this for me but maybe someone else will know they aren’t alone in their daily struggles.
Yes, things are starting to turn around. I finally settled with workers comp and will be moving back to happy place soon!